segunda-feira, 19 de setembro de 2016

Mr. Green - written in Sep, 19th

We started just talking, telling jokes and hanging out over Skype, and the time was passing by for us without being noticed; and then, almost three years after we still have our nice conversations without feel the time passing by .
Mr. Green caught my attention in the first 5 minutes of talking in an international web chat site, we was not seeing each other or listening to each other so I felt totally comfortable to talk about everything and ask any question because I was not taking the risk of being judged for this pretty nice guy from UK (Did I mention how much I like England?). In some moment, the confessions, secrets and intimate debates and questions started to come out from us, and even overcoming our differences, I was trusting Mr. Green more and more and more. Books, movies, culture, tourism, adventures, faith and God’s existence, university, international financial crisis, career’s plans, future, relationship, sex, soccer, rugby … We talk about anything, we feel secure. We could be totally sincere; we can be sincere to each other ever.
Someday I realized I was crushed on his incredible big round eyes and the way he make me feel free being myself and opening up, I told him because it won’t be a warning to our friendship, so I told him using the words and being clear (I couldn’t fighting or hiding anymore) and He told me He feels the same <3 o:p="">
But , like me , He knows ,maybe we will never be together (because of our particular reasons that I don’t have to explain, I know it, He knows it and We solved our little issues by ourselves; This man is really good at talking.).
Before I see all this feelings growing inside me, I felt a rude affection for this little boy already. We were friends, and good ones. The truth is I have been loving you as a dearest male friend, and know I am putting a little more feelings in the part of my heart you made yourself a home in the day we said the first “Hi!”.
Some Physics specialist believe there’re parallel universes at the space-time warps, I’m not so sure, but, considering this possibility, maybe in one of this alternative worlds there’re another versions of us , and then We can be together as you want , as do I. But back to our reality, I’m happy to have you in my life and keep making you a part of it; I’m happy to finally let you know how I feel and have told you how your eyes affect me; I’m happy to be close to you and open the door to let you get in.
In the beginning of everything, In Genesis, God created all forms of life, those we know and those we do not know yet to our survival and belonging feeling; all world and universe was harmonicly created to us, but us, people, human being,were created by  the Father in Heaven to be His friends. A few time after this, Eve was created to be with Adam, as his wife, helper and lover. What I meant telling all this things is the first relationship created was friendship; and all others kinds of relationships and bounding comes from inside a friendship.
When I say “I love you” to Mr.Grenn I’m not playing the innocent to mess his feelings or trying to get “the best of the both worlds”, I’m just being true . . . Of course would be nice become his girl and do all nice things couples do, and be around him and have him around me and let him take the best of me for as longer as we could but, if we never have a kiss, or share our beds and bodies, or never build a life together , I still will keep loving him in a better, higher and immortal way because He’s my friend.
Hey Mr. Green, I love you, and my love for you will never die, because it comes from God since the beginning, it is on me to give you. This love calls Friendship, and do not feel smaller because I’m telling this my Duckie ducky, you’ll never know how much you mean to me; you always meant. I will always love you, my friend!  And please, NEVER EVER EVER go.

Simple and ordinary - written in Sep,14th

I spent  a long time of my life watching movies, Reading books and wondering many things about romance and love.

To be completely honest, female magazines , teen’s TV shows and series didn’t help me AT ALL to grab a boyfriend or to get close to  a real relationship. To be honest, the concept of romance ilustraded in many movies, books, magazines and “reality shows” make me laugh in the worst way ever because or it’s completely unreal or completely empyt.

I’m not a teenage anymore, so magazines and twitter’s  trend topics hasn’t influence on my decision-making power so, after several heart-breaks, I started to think about it in my own way.
Women are not attracted only for fancy cars, mansions, money and hot life styles as in video clips, and also, they aren’t so dramatic, overreacting, depending and needy like in another one’s videos ,books or even fairytales. Fairytales are the most glamorous bullshit I’ve ever heard.

To understand the point about relationships, first I had to understand the kind of woman I’m , and then figure it out the kind of man I want/need to finally open up myself to potential dates/valentines.
I’m not here to judge in any way, but under my point of view, relationships must me comfortable and funny, even when its facing hard times, because the comfort and fun you get from your valentine will make you come back even if it’s so much easier run away and don’t look back.

I want someone to share all part of me, someone to embrace during the night , someone to argue sometimes but also the best intimate conversations ever, someone to tell my secrets and do weird thing I don’t do with no one else but I know this person will understand and let me be like this, someone to be connected, bounded, a person I will miss every day.

Relationships must be simple, like toast with jelly and a cup of tea, simple but always good. I need to find my cup of tea in a man. Admire the beauty of the ordinary is what make difference for me ; of course spend a night in a hotel in Paris is lovable, but nothing compares to lay down at the living room’s floor with the windows opened and see the stars or the sun raise with someone you love, just starting a brand new day … with this person.

I want this in a relationship, for me, this is what make a couple last for 50 years or more together, this is what keep people united by feelings, this is what make extraordinary the ordinary life of many people who decided be together in a romantic way : Admiring and  enjoying their simple and comfort relation of love.

Un rato conmigo - escrito em 14/9/16

No sé se piensas de igual manera, pero no sientes irritación cuando las personas a tu volta hablan tanto que no se puede quedar solo con tus próprios piensamientos?
No se siente mal cuando nadie te puede veer? Cuando eres invisible para todos a tu volta? Cuando de miran muy cerca de ti, pero no de pueden veer em verdade? Cuando miran en directo en tus ojos pero no capturam a tu alma?

Cuando una sala esta  muy llena de gente, y no encuentra un espacio para quedarse, no se se tambien lo siente, pero cuando se sucede conmigo, siento que este lugar no eres mi lugar.

El tumulto del mundo me esta dejando loca, y toda la confusíon y perdicíon en mi cabeza, todas las opiciones que tengo que elijir , todos los discursos que tengo que repetir ... Estou tan cansada, hecha em pedazos, cortada por el medio, aburrida, sola ... No pienso mas de mi manera, en verdade, haz tiempo que no pienso ....  No tengo fuerzas ni para pensar .